Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Action, Adventure, Fantasy
IMDB rating:
Espen Sandberg, Joachim Rønning
Orlando Bloom as Will Turner
Adam Brown as Cremble
Giles New as Murtogg
Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth
Angus Barnett as Mullroy
David Wenham as Scarfield
Martin Klebba as Marty
Kevin McNally as Gibbs
Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann
Geoffrey Rush as Captain Hector Barbossa
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow
Javier Bardem as Captain Salazar
Storyline: Captain Jack Sparrow finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar, escape from the Devil's Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea...including him. Captain Jack's only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.
Type 1080p
Resolution 1920x800 px
File Size 11195 Mb
Codec h264
Bitrate 12121 Kbps
Format mkv
Type HQ DVD-rip
Resolution 720x304 px
File Size 1552 Mb
Codec mpeg4
Bitrate 1680 Kbps
Format avi
Type Resolution File Size Codec Bitrate Format
1080p 1920x800 px 11195 Mb h264 12121 Kbps mkv Download
HQ DVD-rip 720x304 px 1552 Mb mpeg4 1680 Kbps avi Download

I miss the old Jack.
The fifth installment of the Pirates-series is by all means a step up from the fourth. In all film-series, when a sequel is released it's mandatory to compare it to the best one - which in this case arguably everyone agrees is the first one. That may be unfair, but it's the reality. Now.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge does give us some spectacular moments. The visual effects really is astonishing, and some of the scenes is beyond anything I have ever seen before. That's impressing. But that's not why I like Pirates of the Caribbean. What I expect (hope) from a Pirates-film is elegant and witty dialog, compelling sea- battles and Jack Sparrow on fire. And this last bit I think is the biggest reason why this one fails to deliver.

In my opinion, Johnny Depp has lost his way as captain Jack. And I think that's natural, after all, it's been 13 years since he first portrait the character. He's gotten older and that really shows. This, combined with a really poor script, regarding Jack at least, makes it all fall apart. Half the time he's completely drunk (really drunk, not just usual Jack-tipsy) and half the time he tells bad jokes which really is beneath a genius character like Jack Sparrow.

The film starts on a positive note. I had good hopes that it could go somewhere, but mid- way through the story starts to split up and it didn't really have a good rhythm to it. In addition I think there are a lot of characters that just don't do anything to the story or adds humor or dynamic.

The decision to bring back Orlando Bloom to play Will Turner is fundamentally a good one, but I'm so disappointed with he's involvement in the film. It seems Disney only took him back to promote the film and lure old fans back for more. If he's to be involved, he should have a major role.

Javier Bardem does a good job as villain, but nothing I will remember him by.

All in all, I would say that I am disappointed. I didn't have huge expectations to begin with, but where I thought the film would deliver, it just didn't. Basically it's a film for the technical wizards to show how much they can do in terms of visual effects , and they can do a lot. It's just not what I want.
Really bad acting
None of the characters had good chemistry together and all of the acting was poor. Jack's accent seemed new and he talked way more than in other movies so the new accent became really annoying. The two new teen characters are very bad actors and helped ruin the chemistry with everyone else. This movie has a lot more adult jokes that aren't funny and I'm not sure why everyone was so excited about the celebrity cameo. That scene was painfully unfunny and unnecessary. I had to go watch the original after I left this movie just to get the bad taste out of my mouth.
Where is the logic in this movie?
So, the movie was, decent. Thats all it was, didn't feel like Johnny Depp really wanted to make this movie, not a star performance.

But one thing i have been thinking about, the movie is about trying to break the curses of the sea, and to free Will from the Dutchman, but if he becomes free from this curse, wouldn't he just simply fall and die? Remember. His heart is in a chest.
Oh My God I Am So Effing Disappointed I Cannot Believe What I Have Just Seen
(Gonna try not to cuss) I will start by saying I was/am fanatical about all three of the first ones. Yes the original is still the best, but the second is almost every damn bit as good. The plot was creative enough that it felt necessary, the writing was on par with the first, and Davy Jones is SO freaking good oh my god he is literally my favorite villain of all time (save for Agent Smith). The third one has its flaws (though I really can't think of any besides Keira Knightley's acting being occasionally over the top), but as a whole it's a WONDERFUL movie. Like sweet Jesus, Hans Zimmer's freaking score for that movie alone is goddamn legendary. And as a result I totally bought into the romance between Will & Elizabeth and really just felt an emotional connection to the whole series because of it (much like the emotion Howard Shore's music invokes for LotR). But what makes the third one so impressive is how well it handles ALL of that crazy plot while still introducing great new sh*t like the Brethren Court.

But I'm not here to talk about how great the original trilogy was. Odds are, most of you liked them too. What I want to talk about briefly before I tear Dead Men Tell No Tales to shreds, is On Stranger Tides. From what I gather, the fourth installment was/is NOT very popular. I like it. And I'll tell you why. While it didn't have the same epic sense of scale and adventure and romance and everything that made the first three so great, IT STILL HAD GOOD WRITING. It was clever, and witty, and funny as ever. And this is because Ted & Terry were still writing them, not FRICKING Jeff Nathanson. OMFG I'll get to him later. I would urge you though to go back and give On Stranger Tides another chance, especially if you've now seen the fifth installment. I think you'll find that even though it doesn't quite hold up against the first three it still FEELS like a Pirates of the Caribbean, and for all the reasons that Dead Men Tell No Tales did not, and here they are:

1) Johnny Depp has completely lost it. It's like he forgot how to play Jack Sparrow. There were seriously times watching him when I thought he was more Mad Hatter than he was Jack Sparrow. And it's so sad to watch. The old Jack was an idiot sure, but he was always clever, he was always suave, always cool. In this he's just silly. It's embarrassing. I'm serious when I say he acts like the Mad Hatter, you'll see what I mean. In the fourth one he at least still felt like Jack Sparrow.

2) Zimmer's so called "protege" Geoff Zanelli is so forgettable. I was actually trying to listen for his music but the only times the music stood out was when he was rehashing Zimmer's themes. And some of you may be like *sissy voice "oh that's all Zimmer did was rehash Badelt's themes". BISH PLEASE. Not only did he make Badelt's original theme sound even better, he introduced so many new ones (Jack's theme, Davy Jones' theme, Will & Elizabeth's theme). Even On Stranger Tides added a fun new Spanish twist to the old stuff.

3) Salazar, Henry, & Carina are also all completely forgettable. They're worse than Blackbeard (who I actually quite liked), Philip, and Syrena. There is hardly ANY character development for them and what little there was felt SO forced. I feel terrible for them (especially Thwaites and Bardem) because they're not bad actors (Bardem is actually a fantastic actor) but they just got saddled with one of the WORST freaking scripts of all time, which brings me to my final and primary complaint with the fifth installment.

4) JEFF NATHANSON IS CANCER. I mean my biggest (only) concerns from the start (because let's be honest the trailer's gave NO hint that the movie would be this bad) were the fact that Zimmer wasn't composing and that JEFF NATHANSON, the idiot who ruined Indiana Jones, was writing it, but I NEVER thought he could have F'd up this movie, not as badly as he did. Like, the movie had SO much going for it. Salazar could have been another great villain to put alongside Jones and Barbossa, but he was totally wasted with minimal and poor dialogue. Carina Smith, a female astronomer, could have been a GREAT female character! And her romance with Henry could have been done BEAUTIFULLY! Instead, what did we get? Well, I won't spoil it for you but I will say there is one of the most forced, predictable, and painstakingly banal twists I've ever seen in a movie regarding her character.

So, as I said, I absolutely LOVED the first three, and I really did like the fourth one. Enough that I was very excited about what they could do with the next one (the fifth one). All my friends said the franchise was dead but I maintained that the fifth installment had the potential to be amazing (which it did). And I waited SIX GODDAMNED YEARS for this fifth one. And it, was just, god, awful. So bad that I actually now don't want to see another installment, and I will honestly probably never watch it again because it's so bad that it almost taints my love for the first four.

I tried to think of reasons to give it more than the lowest possible rating, any reason. And ALL I could think of was the visual quality that the two Norwegian directors brought to it, so good for them, I give the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean a whopping two stars.

Thank you. This has been my angrily hastened unedited review of Dead Men Tell No Tales.
Boring, pedantic, predictable, empty romcom
Hey! Were you captivated by the rich world of Pirates of the Caribbean in the first movie? Did you enjoy the thrilling action and deep characters of it's sequels? You want to see Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp take to the seas once more in their cursed pirateships to fight an epic battle against an unstoppable force of evil? Well don't expect that in this movie. There's no epic battle, just a few minor brawls. You thought Pirates 4 was bad? Well this is worse. If you're hoping to see Orlando Bloom return for his role as William Turner in this dung heap they call a movie you're in for a sour surprise because he barely has 3 minutes of screen time. Were you hoping to see Johnny Depp return to the hilarious badass dumb genius pirate captain Jack Sparrow? Well he's just an empty shell of slapstick comedy. No? Then how about seeing Keira Knightly as the loose pirate queen of Shipwreck Cove, Elizabeth Swann? Too bad. You get to see her for maybe 20 seconds and ONLY at the very end of the movie. Or perhaps you were hoping to see Javier Bardem preform an amazing role as the most feared ghost piratehunter of the seven seas, Armando Salazar? You'll sorta get it? I mean, half the movie is captain Salazar's backstory and how he met the previously lovable Jack Sparrow. No? None of that? Then how about seeing good ol' Geoffrey Rush reprise his role as Captain Barbossa? Well he's always good, even despite the horrendous asspull they did in the last bit of the movie.

Now then let's move on to the latest additions to the cast. Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth, the strong, smart, independent woman who don't need no man but still kinda wants one, who's really just there to replace the hot clickbait actress they cannot afford anymore (Keira Knightly) or how about Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner? Yes, the kid we saw at the end of the third movie, who was then still called Bill Turner back then, has received a name change as well as an actor change. He doesn't really do anything. He's just a plot device called "hurr durr I need to find the trident of Poseidon to save my father hurr"

This movie is incredibly dumb, and only small children would enjoy it. Which will be hard considering it's a PG-13 movie.
Great tale for those who can just to watch and enjoy
Maybe most people won't agree with me, but I think that most people who give bad reviews probably just shouldn't watch those kind of movies at all, as they forgot that this is tale. And it's a great tale for those who have open minded and able to abstract from everything and just enjoy the movie.

This movie is a great adventure full of bright colors and bright characters. Full of action and emotions.
Solid 1 out of 10. Everything what is wrong with Hollywood.
Sometimes I wonder how bad can the Hollywood script writers be? Looks like the people who wrote the script for this movie were imbeciles. Its one thing to write a bad script and its totally another to write something which is this nonsensical.

The title of the movie is "dead men tell no tales" but Salazer does tell a long tale to Barbosa a......

The biggest culprit of this boring movie is Jonny Depp. He makes no effort what-so- ever to deliver anything new.

The jokes are all stale, the dialog is stale, the characters are stale.

Perhaps the only bright thing was Javier bardem... but he was not enough to save this movie.
A Jar of Dirt
Remember when Johnny Depp exploded onto the big screen as Jack Sparo- Sorry, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, and it was awesome? Ah the good old days, what I would give to go back to that time where Pirates were cool and Salazar's Revenge didn't exist. The fifth instalment to the Pirates franchise displays a complete evolution of genre complying with Louis Giannetti's theory. The Cure of the Black Pearl marked the Primitive genre stage, the film blew audiences away and introduced them to the pirates genre. Dead Man's Chest marked the classical stage, classical conventions were utilised such as the Kraken and what have you. Next is the Revisionist stage of At World's End with it's time travel, witches that grow into giants and that sinkhole final act, let's just ignore the pointless fourth film aaaaaaaaaand now, unfortunately, we have the all out parody that is Salazar's revenge.

Pirates 5 is quite simply a parody of itself, from its stupidly absurd, comedic action sequences, to Johnny Depp himself. This film feels like one big joke and I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew this to be true. The way Jack is introduced in this film is quite possibly one of the goofiest sequences I've ever seen in the cinema. I've seen bank robberies go wrong before, but stealing the bank itself... All I can say is, what are those horses taking and where can I get me some? BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! The guillotine scene is just so horrifically bad I physically had to lift my jaw up off the floor in a mix of amazement and bafflement. The Pirates franchise is no stranger to big, illogical, comical action scenes, but this film takes that to a whole different level of stupidity and is almost like a scene out of Epic Movie.

As well as the action scenes being all out parodies of ones which preceded them, the acting is as much, if not more so. Johnny Depp drunkenly stumbles out of the children's hospital to play Jack Sparrow once again... Or at least I think he was acting... I'm not quite sure to be honest. Sparrow has always been an alcoholic character, but that was once his lovable charm, now Depp slurs his speech and acts so confused to the point where it's hard to believe he hadn't had "a single drop of rum." This being said he gives the best performance in this film which is shocking to be honest. Geoffrey Rush, similar to Depp, plays a parody of his character Captain Barbossa, but to be honest, Barbossa was always a kind of parody of pirates so I can let that slide. However, what I cannot excuse is the abysmal performance by the films two newcomers Brenton Thwaites and Kaya Scodelario. Not helped by their rather forced relationship, the two provide a masterclass in wooden acting that makes it near impossible to care for their characters.

However bad the acting is, it is not the worst part of this film, oh no. That would be the films script and visuals. Firstly, the script. Pirates 5 is plagued with terrible dialogue. Lines are recycled over and over, exposition is embedded with little effort and subtlety and the sex jokes, lots and lots of cringe worthy, unfunny sex jokes. Sex jokes are practically the back bone of comedy nowadays and can be hilarious, but here the jokes just come off as dirty, like a bunch of dirty old men in a bar recounting "the things I'd do to her." Simply put, it's extremely uncomfortable to watch and hear. The film also features a few pointless characters. From the bald witch lady who is simply there to give Barbossa Jack's compass, to Paul McCartney's Cameo role as Uncle Jack. The film just doesn't need them and they either act as a plot device or a waste of everyone's time.

Now the visuals, the film was poorly shot. The lighting at night was non existent and the way the camera is positioned for some shots was possibly the single worst place they could have placed the camera, hidden behind objects so the action of focus is distorted/ out of view. Also you can clearly tell where the film is missing a vital shot or just couldn't be bothered to shoot it, as the use of fast cutting and cut away shots are used in an attempt to cover this up, but instead only highlights it and thus confuses the audience. SPOILER WARNING! When Henry is kidnapped by Salazar there is no shot of him being pulled away or anything. A series of fast cuts, Carina's reaction shot to a non existent shot and expositional dialogue of "THEY TOOK HENRY!" is used to present his capture, and frankly it just seems like they spent too much money on Salazar's gravity defying hairdo, that their visual effects budget was bone dry. This happens a fair bit in Pirates 5 and it simply leaves you as confused as Depp appears to be throughout.

To conclude, Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar's Revenge is by far the worst in the Pirates franchise. A full on parody of what it once was with horrific acting, poorly shot sequences and a script that needs some work done to say the least. I know I've been insanely harsh so, on the off chance that the filmmakers see this, I would like to say the famous line "it's nothing personal, it's just business" whether or not you agree or disagree with me, none of us can deny that the theme tune is absolutely epic and pumps us up every time.
Bad reviews of this movie make me lose hope in humanity
I just saw it in a very good 3d cinema. After reading so much bad reviews I thought the movie will be worst than stranger tides. Instead I had the huge surprise to experience a real cinema spectacle. The cinematography is incredible, the acting is incredible. The story? Critics complain about the story? The story was always kind of stupid and childish. So what? I don't care. If you go to Pirates of the Caribbean and expect to see deep complex stories and psychological elements you are at the wrong movie. Go instead watch Oscar winners with black, gay, slaves, etc being abused.

The worst thing that can happen is that all this negativity can influence the box office and we might not see another one. It would be so sad.

ps: I will go watch it again several times. It's that kind of movie!
Fantastic movie!
Best pirates of the Caribbean in the series by far! Non stop action and very clever lines. Depp was awesome as usual. The plot was very good and had my kids and I watching till the very end. Highly recommend for anyone to watch. Salazar was a great character he was very evil and out for revenge.
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